Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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