Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
