Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My dick has a subreddit
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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