i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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