Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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