Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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