She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
