Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
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we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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