my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
