he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
id be glad to
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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