I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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