When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
