Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
