Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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