I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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