I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
