I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
