Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
