I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
