carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
