Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
