our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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