so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
