I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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