Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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