you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think a kid would responsible me up
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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