Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
