life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Screwed.edu
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
