Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
