Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
