peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think my vagina is haunted
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
