I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We just shotgunned beers for America
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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