I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
