I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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