Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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