Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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