i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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