I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
