It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
