Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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