Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
honey bunches of taint.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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