i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
