Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
