New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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