You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
