Duck Duck Cougar?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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