Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
