Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
