I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
