the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
