Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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