Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
