I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
