Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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