I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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