hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
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plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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