The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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