How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
