watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
